Description: Too much spice, not enough life skills.
$3.25
Description: My reactions are scientifically justified.
Description: My chest isn't your next adventure.
Description: Chickens are cheaper than therapy, and they actually listen.
Description: Some drivers deserve a very personal turn signal.
Description: Sorry, I stopped listening when I saw a dog.
Description: My eyes are up here, sweetheart.
Description: Therapy is expensive. Extra cheese isn't.
Description: My social battery is officially out of service.
Description: Four legs, zero drama, excellent company.
Description: World peace, one terrible pickup line at a time.1
Description: No questions, just refills.
Description: Employee of the month at my local bar.
Description: Love makes sense until it doesn't.
Description: My faith is stronger than my Monday morning attitude.
Description: Survival advice nobody asked for, but everyone needs.
Description: Captain of questionable decisions reporting for duty.
Description: My Rottie isn't scary, you're just dramatic.
Description: Responsible decisions? Ask me tomorrow.
Description: Normal is overrated. Ask any mathematician.
Description: My blood type is probably tomato sauce.
Description: Milk builds strong bones, sarcasm builds character.
Description: Proud parent of four-legged troublemakers.
Description: Some people meditate. I run until the voices get tired.
Description: My patience has officially entered desert mode.
Description: Everything I like comes with consequences.
Description: Nature made the animals, sarcasm gave them better names.
Description: No tickets, no refunds, just raids.
Description: Country born, attitude included.
Description: Sharkasm is my second language.
Description: I've got chemistry. You bring the awkward silence.
Description: Fishing is my therapy, beer is my backup plan.
Description: Less small talk, more peace and fewer humans.
Description: My fishing addiction pairs beautifully with wine.
Description: Grammar can wait. The fish are biting.
Description: Grammar can wait. Deer season can't.
