Description: Safety instructions? Never met them.
$22.00
Description: My toolbox. My rules.
Description: Red, white, blue, and grandpa attitude.
Description: Bad decisions taste better cold.
Description: Zero explanation, maximum nonsense.
Description: Ho ho hold your nonsense.
Description: Holiday plans? Wrapped and steamed.
Description: Irish today, hungover tomorrow.
Description: Less talking, more throttling.
Description: Certified black belt in extra cheese.
Description: My calendar runs on tacos and sarcasm.
Description: Cheers to being everyone's favorite problem.
Description: Too much spice, not enough life skills.
Description: My reactions are scientifically justified.
Description: My chest isn't your next adventure.
Description: Chickens are cheaper than therapy, and they actually listen.
Description: Some drivers deserve a very personal turn signal.
Description: Sorry, I stopped listening when I saw a dog.
Description: My eyes are up here, sweetheart.
Description: Therapy is expensive. Extra cheese isn't.
Description: My social battery is officially out of service.
Description: Four legs, zero drama, excellent company.
Description: World peace, one terrible pickup line at a time.1
Description: No questions, just refills.
Description: Employee of the month at my local bar.
Description: Love makes sense until it doesn't.
Description: My faith is stronger than my Monday morning attitude.
Description: Survival advice nobody asked for, but everyone needs.
Description: Captain of questionable decisions reporting for duty.
Description: My Rottie isn't scary, you're just dramatic.
Description: Responsible decisions? Ask me tomorrow.
Description: Normal is overrated. Ask any mathematician.
Description: My blood type is probably tomato sauce.
Description: Milk builds strong bones, sarcasm builds character.
Description: Proud parent of four-legged troublemakers.
Description: Some people meditate. I run until the voices get tired.
