Shop Official Merch

Description: I only hunt for cold ones.

Description: Grab a cold beverage and watch the chaos unfold in the woods.

Description: Some bonds are forged in the deep fryer.

Description: Move out of my way before this race turns into a biohazard.

Description: Will trade personal space for a cold craft ale.

Description: Radiating pure joy, or at least pretending to.

Description: My magic wand cannot fix stupid.

Description: Make the local lifeguard extremely uncomfortable.

Description: My six-pack is safely hidden under spiritual enlightenment.

Description: I am the grand prize she won by settling down.

Description: Come for the turkey, stay for the attitude.

Description: Gobble first, ask questions later.

Description: Surviving family dinner one eye roll at a time.

Description: I only wear black until they invent a darker color.

Description: Backing down was never written in the operations manual.

Description: He stole my heart and all the tamales.

Description: Pass the gravy and keep your opinions to yourself.

Description: Stop searching for missing pieces when the whole picture is right here.

Description: I need to force quit my thoughts.

Description: Officially off the market and claimed by la gorda.

Description: Powered purely by spite and roasted beans.

Description: Believe in yourself because absolutely no one else does.

Description: Just a magical creature making terrible weekend decisions.

Description: Seize the means of wardrobe production.

Description: I survived another day of parenting.

Description: Because true freedom means having absolutely no filter.

Description: My resting expression speaks way louder than words.

Description: Matching your outrage is my favorite hobby.

Description: Waking up was the first mistake of the day.

Description: Hooked on doing absolutely nothing

Description: My face naturally rests in a state of absolute annoyance.

Description: Sorry vegans, this steak was entirely worth it.

Description: Making English teachers cry since kindergarten.

Description: Keep the upper lip stiff and the standards high.

Description: I'm practically a ghost if we are doing the math.

Description: I do not have a drinking problem, I have a drinking solution.